Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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