I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
