he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
