I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
