Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
