i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
