It's like God shit irony all over that family
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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