One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
