By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
