I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
