Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
