is wine microwaveable?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
