Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
