I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
