You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
