Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
