my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
