i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
