I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
