I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
