You smell like a Billy Joel song
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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