she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
