pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
