He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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