if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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