Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
