Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
