I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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