i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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