dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
