My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
