he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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