No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
