all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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