is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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