Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize