ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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