also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize