My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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