At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
