What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize