Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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