Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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