cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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