Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
