I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
