my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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