im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
