You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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