I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
