bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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