508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
