omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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