I must be too annoying 4 u.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
