college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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