i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
