I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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