The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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