'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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