Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
