I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
