The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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