i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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