i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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