i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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