he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
