The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
