i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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