matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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