I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
