what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
