He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
