i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
